Updated: Feb 1
There are many misconceptions about INFJs. We are very rare and therefore very misunderstood. Let’s talk about a few of the biggest misconceptions.
1. We are super emotional
Every time I read this I think of someone who is outwardly emotional, who is always being dramatic and crying for no reason. That’s so not me. I don’t do outwardly emotional.
I am very emotional, but very few people ever see it. I have a killer resting b*tch face and I use it. I’m usually very stoic and work very hard to cover any emotions that might come across my face, especially when I am upset. I don’t want people to know that.
When my emotions run high, I retreat to my own space to work them out for myself. I need time to figure things out for myself before I can respond.
2. We are detail-oriented
I notice everything about people that I have some interest in, but if I don’t have any interest in you, you are as much above my notice as you are below it. I may not even realize that you exist.
My ability to notice details is also variable when it comes to work. If I’m interested in the project I can usually focus on details, but if my heart’s not in it and I can’t focus, then little things go overlooked.
3. We like being unique
I cringe every time I read this one. I don’t LIKE being unique, not this unique. Do I want to be different and individualistic? Yes! Do I want to be so different that NO ONE understands me?? NO! Not even a little bit!
I embrace it because that’s the only way that I know how to deal with it. But the notion that I feel like I’m better than everyone else because of my differences is completely wrong. I don’t think that one personality type is better than another. We are all special for different reasons.
I celebrate my differences so that I can make other INFJs feel loved and appreciated too.
4. We are fake
INFJs have a unique ability to connect with all different kinds of people. We can adapt our personality to fit those people. That does not make us fake at all. It makes us observant and adaptable. Our desire is never to fool people into thinking we are different than we are. Instead, our desire is to make those around us feel as comfortable as possible. We are only thinking of them.
We also only share certain parts of ourselves with other people. Some people see this as fake too. It’s not fake. It’s a protection mechanism. Like we talked about before we are very emotional internally. Because of this, many of us have been burned in the past. We only trust certain people with our emotions. And it takes a lot for us to trust someone.
5. We like people
My mom called me outgoing the other day. She told me that she thinks that I like people. I was kinda blown away by it. I like being friendly to people who are friendly to me in public, but most of the time I avoid people altogether.
I do like helping people so it’s complicated. I want to help people, but I don’t want to be around them. I can only be around people for a limited time and then I’m done.
INFJs are always going to be misunderstood because they are so rare and so different from other types. Most people don’t take the time to get to know us and appreciate our differences.
But the great part of that is that we can be there for each other. We, as INFJs, understand each other and have this amazing opportunity to connect and help each other feel understood.
Thank you for being a part of this community! I can’t tell you how much it helps me and I hope it helps you too!