Updated: Jan 27, 2022
Many INFJs want to make changes in their lives but feel stuck. They get stuck in planning mode and struggle with making the changes that they dream about and long for. How do you make that jump and finally start living up to that version of you that you see in your head? How do you overcome that resistance that you feel to the change?
I’ve put together a list of 5 things that I do to overcome that resistance. Let’s take a look.
1. Believe you can do it
The first thing that you need to do to overcome resistance to change and actually make the change is to believe that you can. The change starts in your mind. If you don’t believe that you can make the change, then you have failed before you have even started.
We are not looking for hope in life. We are looking for certainty. We want to know what works for sure. The most successful people are those who believe, those you believe in the change before they can see it or feel it. Those who carry on and push through the uncomfortableness.
You have to believe before anyone else will.
2. Let go of being perfect
The thing that holds people back the most is indecision, also known as planning mode. We get stuck in this mode because we want everything to be perfect the first time that we do it. I’m guilty of this too.
But the thing that you have to realize is that you are going to be terrible in the beginning. You need to accept that now. The first time you do something it won’t be perfect. It will be messy and icky and awful. But that’s ok. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
You have to do it anyway. Just start with what you have. Do the thing you want to do with what you know right now. You will learn more as you go along. But you can’t learn anything if you don’t start somewhere.
3. The 5 second rule
Mel Robbins is an amazing inspiration. If you haven’t heard of her yet, you can find her here.
She has this amazing 5 second rule. Here’s how it works. Your brain is programmed to make the decision that you always make, the one that you are most comfortable with. So if you want to change that, you have to act within 5 seconds of when the thought pops into your head.
When you have an impulse to do something, if you don’t act on it in 5 seconds you won’t do it. You will pull the emergency brake and kill the idea. It only takes 5 seconds to talk yourself out of the thing that you want to do.
The problem is not that you don’t have ideas. The problem is not that you don’t know what you want to do or what you want to stop doing. The problem is that you don’t act on them.
So, if you really want the things that you keep saying that you want then you have to make some changes. You have to be uncomfortable. And it’s gonna feel weird and awful and gross. But isn’t that better than living the same day over and over again for 80 years and calling it a life?
If you really want to make the change all you need to do is act on it within 5 seconds.
This is one of my favorite concepts. I absolutely loved learning about it. Read more about it here.
4. Give yourself permission to change
As INFJs we are always looking for ways to improve things. It’s a natural gift that we have that comes to us without very much effort. I’m always looking for ways to improve things around me and offering solutions to people. One of the biggest roadblocks that I face is this: “You CAN’T change that. We have ALWAYS done it this way.” That, in my opinion, is the WORST reason to continue doing something a particular way.
I realize that I use that excuse for myself a lot though. I have habits that I would love to change, but that’s what I have always done and it’s hard to change. Is it even ok to change some of them? They have served me for so long and have gotten me through some rough times.
But they are no longer serving me. So it’s time that I change them. It’s time that I give myself permission to change them and to start something new.
Sometimes we want to change something, but we are hesitant. It’s almost like we are waiting for permission like something is ingrained in us that someone has to tell us it’s ok before we can do it. But, sometimes you have to give yourself that permission. You don’t really need to wait for anyone else.
5. Start living the life that you want
Imagine what your life will be like after that change that you want is a habit, after you have the thing that you want. Now, go life you life like you already have it. You are what you do every day. Once you make that decision to change, you have to start living that new life, start making the decisions that coincide with that change.
I’ll give you an example. I want to lose weight. The old me would wait to feel ready and motivated to make that change. The new me says “What would my healthy weight version of me do? What choices would she make?” She would go exercise every day, no matter the weather or if she felt like it. She would make good food choices and make them consistently. So, instead of waiting to lose the weight before I do those things, I go and do them now. Does that make sense?
Don’t want to feel like a writer before you start to write. Don’t wait to feel like a painter before you start to paint. Don’t wait to call yourself an entrepreneur until you have a successful business. Do it now. Start living that life now.
But wait! There’s more!!
A couple of things…
Have you listened to my podcast yet?? If not, listen now! The Quiet Ones podcast