Updated: Feb 8
I know you’re curious. I am too. But we don’t talk about these things… with hardly anyone. So, let’s make an exception here and be real and honest for a few minutes. Then we can go back to acting like we don’t want to talk about it, okay?
It’s a whole thing…
I got an email from Lauren White, an INFJ sexologist, a few months ago. She loves my blog, Instagram and Podcast and politely asked if she could be a guest. My eyebrows went up as I read her website and I got uncomfortable. How could I talk openly about this subject?? How could I do it without blushing and laughing uncomfortably a lot? I’d have to put sentences together about something I don’t even talk to my friends about? (Can you see the anxiety on my face?)
I quickly closed her website and her email and tried to ignore it. But that feeling of not wanting to be rude haunted me. But not enough to respond right away. I looked at the email everyday, just sitting there in my inbox, bugging me. One day I started thinking, “What am I afraid of?”
What am I afraid of?
That’s a good question. Why am I hiding from this subject? I really want to help other people and I also really want to know the answer. I’ve seen some people write about INFJs and being very fiesty, so I thought, why not? And who better to ask this question to! I’m so glad that I did too.
Lauren is an amazing and wonderful person so talk to. She’s so sweet and disarming. We had a great conversation about putting yourself out there and being open to new things, which a lot of times INFJs struggle with.
So…. do we?
I know you want to know, because this was the question I was dying to ask her. Do INFJs have a high sex drive? Here’s what she said:
“Rather than high sex drive, I’m gonna say we’ve got a high libido. I think we’ve got a high interest in sex and the sexual. And we have a very rich fantasy world.
“How that translates to the act of sex and being physical in sex, I don’t know that it always translates. I think that we are very comfortable having this rich inner world of safe fantasy and what could be possible and really getting romantic and deep intimacy and exploring the taboo. Whether we actually go and do those things is another question.”
Laruen, this is not the answer we were all looking for and wanting, but it really does make sense to me.
I did an informal poll in the INFJ Community group and out of 30 people who responded 18 said spending quality time with their partner was how they feel loved. But a third of respondents said physical touch was a close second.
Here’s what I think
INFJs crave connection. We want deep intimacy. That craving is almost painful at times. We want someone to love us in ways that no one else has ever done, in ways that we didn’t even think were possible.
Like Lauren said, we spend a lot of time in our head thinking about how we want to be loved, imagining every detail. More than just physical intimacy, we want to be seen and understood on an intellectual and emotional level. We want someone to share our thoughts and hopes and dreams with. We want someone to understand our intuition and our “knowing” of some things. We want someone who’s comfortable being deep and dark at times.
But we also crave someone that we can be ourselves with, who will enjoy our sense or humor and our need to be cautious and organized. Someone who is comfortable in the quiet and loves solitude.
We are all about you
When we feel that connection, we are the type to think about what our partner wants and give it to them. We spend more time being focused on them and making sure that they are happy than we do thinking about us. It’s a blessing and a curse. But at the end of the day, what really makes us happy is knowing that our partner is satisfied and feels loved.
It’s true what they say. You would be very fortunate, indeed, to have an INFJ as a partner.