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High Expectations Are a Good Thing for Online Dating



Try not to panic

I signed up for eharmony.com last week. I paid them for a year subscription knowing that this process will take some time. That sounds like the right, responsible, practical thing to do.


Then, I started looking through the profiles of my matches. I started to panic.


Is this IT? Is this all that’s left?? OMG my expectations are ASTRONOMICALLY way too high. Like I can’t believe that this is all there is… It’s like the supply chain shortage has reached the dating market.


Be judgy

I’m not going to lie, I’m incredibly judgemental. I really try not to be most of the time, but when it comes to the ONE person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, I feel like I have to be. I don’t want just anyone. I don’t want a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship and I don’t want anything less than a serious commitment. So shouldn’t I be really picky about who I want in my life?


Logically, I have to say yes. It’s just that the panic makes me feel so not enough. I start to wonder if it’s me that’s lacking rather than them. I know that I have some challenges with my weight that I’m working to correct. But then I start to wonder if I’m morally corrupt too, like one of those people who only wants someone who’s gorgeous. But I want more than gorgeous. I want gorgeous and nice and kind and successful and ambitious and thoughtful and interesting and peaceful as well. It feels like a lot.


I did the only thing I could do: text my friend and freak out.



She’s a kind and gracious friend who’s been single for a while and totally gets the whole online dating fiasco, thankfully. It’s necessary to have friends like that. All of my other friends are married with kids. They’ve been married for so long that they forgot what it feels like to be single. And many of them never used dating apps or websites, so they have no idea what it’s like. I have to remind myself of this when they try to give me advice or try to tell me to be nicer.


Online dating is a process

I started this blog to motivate myself to actually start dating, but to also share my experience with you in hopes that you’ve been through the same thing or that I can help you somehow. When you’re first starting out it’s important to remember that online dating is a process. Most people don’t find the love of their life on day 1. That’s why you sign up for a year. So try not to panic when you see your matches and you don’t see the one you’ve been looking for your whole life. It might take you a while to find him (or her), but you will find him if you keep looking.


In the meantime, I’m going to scour my photos for some more pictures of me that I’m comfortable sharing and try to answer some more questions on my dating profile.


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