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How INFJs Fall In Love

Updated: Feb 8, 2022

Do INFJs fall in love easily?

INFJs fall in love easily sometimes and sometimes they don’t. INFJs have high expectations for their romantic partner. We want more than just surface-level attraction. Sure, we want someone who we find attractive, but they have to be compatible with our personality, morals and values in order for us to make time for them in our lives. We want someone we can connect with on a deep and meaningful level. We rely on our intuition to help us know that we’ve found the right person.

But every once in a while we run across someone who is everything and we know all at once. This doesn’t happen often and we don’t tend to jump in right away. We just know right away that they are the one. We’ll still take our sweet time is getting to know them and make sure that they are everything we think, but everything is just easier with them from the start.

There are a few things that make it more difficult for INFJs to fall in love.

Have guard up

INFJs spend our lives being generally misunderstood by nearly everyone we know. We are also a lot more sensitive than we like to admit. Because of this, we’ve been hurt over and over in our lives. When meeting someone new, we put our guard up for protection.

It takes a while to lower our guard. We want to move through the process slowly and surely, to get to know our partner in our own time and way.

Want to be understood

INFJs spend so much of our lives feeling misunderstood. We know that very few people will ever really understand us, but we want a partner who tries to understand us as much as possible. It’s important for our partner to make an effort and appreciate us for our complexity.

It’s all about chemistry… or what we call intuition

INFJs look for a feeling more than anything. Most people call it chemistry, though we call it intuition. We have a very well-honed intuition. We know things before we can explain how we know them. This applies to a lot of things in our lives, but certainly people. When we first meet someone we know a lot about them, including if we like them or not. Most people are just people, but every once in a while we meet someone really special that we just click with. We know that person will be important to us instantly.

Too picky?

INFJs take finding a partner very seriously. We’re very organized and typically have a list of characteristics that we want in our ideal partner. We’re not interested in dating just to date and we won’t settle for someone who is less than what we want just to have a partner. Some people call us “too picky,” however, our choosiness leads us to find partners that are well suited to us. When we find our ideal partner we rarely take them for granted.


What do INFJs find attractive?

INFJs look for several qualities in a romantic partner: understanding, intelligence, passion and compatibility, to name a few. But we also don’t mess around. We want someone who is committed and who’s looking for true love. We’re not interested in dating just to date.


INFJs find anyone who tries to understand them interesting. We like people that we connect with and who make a genuine effort to understand our thought process and point of view. We’re used to people who just don’t bother, so if someone does make an effort, it’s noticed by an INFJ. It’s rare.


INFJs have a high level of intelligence. We like to immerse ourselves in our passions, so we tend to know a lot about a lot of different things. Our favorite pass time is learning new things and we love to share those things with anyone who’s interested. We are attracted to people who have the same thirst for learning and the same passion for exploring the unknown.


INFJs are very passionate about our hobbies and interests. We are attracted to people who are passionate as well. That passion doesn’t have to be about the same thing that we are passionate about, it just has to be as strong as our own. Oftentimes the passion is just as attractive as the activity that is being pursued.

Compatibility and attraction

While surface-level attraction is important to INFJs, it’s not the only thing we consider in a partner. First and foremost we want compatibility. We’re a bit different than most people. We want to discuss the meaning of life and the dark side of the moon, so if you’re content to talk about the Kardashians and The Bachelor, it ain’t gonna work.

Want true love, not just a partner

Most INFJs are really serious about dating. We’re not here just to date. In our minds, dating just to date is a complete waste of time and really kinda like torture. I mean, talking to people, going out to noisy clubs or restaurants, small talk… I can’t think of anything worse! If we’re gonna put forth that much effort and fight through all of those things that make us uncomfortable, you’d better be serious.


Who are INFJs most attracted to?


ENFPs are a great match for INFJs. Their function stack is opposite of ours, but we share some of the same preferences, N F. They will understand our intuition and our tendency to feel things very deeply. Their other preferences for extroversion and spontaneity are a nice contrast to our quiet organization.

ENFPs are bright and bubbly people, but still intuitive enough to know how to connect with INFJs. They’ll break down the warriors we put up and be understanding and sensitive of our quirks.


As an INFJ, I’m very partial to INFPs. They are the exact opposite of our functions. However, we share three preferences, I N F, so we have a lot of common ground to work off of.

Here’s my thought process: INFPs are introverted, so no forced social gatherings on the regular. They’re intuitive, so bring on all the deep conversations about life and meaning and depth. They also read between the lines and just know things, like we do. Also, they have all the feels too.

Then there’s that last letter that makes all the difference. They are the spontaneity to our planning and the mess to our organization. They are also the rainbows and lightness to our dark and heavy. They can lift us up to see the good in things and people, but also sit with us in the peaceful calm, just being alone… together.

Learn more about INFJ dating here: The Ideal Partner Type for an INFJ


What personality type is the ideal match for INFJ?

The ENFP personality type is the ideal match for an INFJ. That’s what most people will tell you anyways. They are different enough from INFJs to make like interesting, but also similar enough that we have a lot in common with them. They are extroverted and spontaneous which contrasts our quiet organization rather well.

The fact of the matter, though, is that everyone is different. While some INFJs will enjoy an extrovert in their lives, others will not. Some of us INFJs like the peace and quiet and don’t want to be pulled out of our shell. It’s completely up to you to decide what type is right for you.


How do you tell if an INFJ is attracted to you?

It might be kinda difficult to tell if an INFJ is attracted to you, but there are a few things that you can look for.

They’ll make up excuses to be around you

INFJs aren’t people people. We’d much rather spend our free time alone, so if we’re around a lot, that’s a good indication that we like you, at least on some level. If we really like you we’ll actually make up excuses to be around you. If the INFJ in your office generally brings her own coffee to work, but now makes coffee in the break room and just happens to be in there when you’re in there… well, she probably likes you.

They’ll talk to you

As introverts, INFJs typically aren’t super chatty. We like to keep a low profile. But if we like someone we’re more likely to talk to them. We might even start conversations with them, but we’d have to really like them to go this far.

They’ll spend time with you

INFJs value our time more than anything. We plan to have free time to do as we please. It’s important for us to only spend time around people that we really like and value. So, if an INFJ is spending time with you, you can bet they like you more than a little bit.


How do you tell if an INFJ is interested in you?

They’ll spend time with you

Our time is important to us, so if we put you on our calendar we are interested. If we accept a second date, we’re really interested. INFJs generally know pretty early if we are interested in you or not. We won’t waste our time or our time on someone we don’t like. That’s for sure.

They’ll go out of their way to help you

INFJs are constantly thinking about other people. It’s that extroverted feeling function of ours. But it can also be a good indication of our feelings. If we’re going out of our way to make you cookies or help you with that report that you’ve been putting off, know that we have feelings for you. We might even stay late to help you with something. Maybe.

They’ll talk to you

As introverts, INFJs are pretty shy. We like to sit back and watch the conversation, especially when we’re around people we don’t know very well. We’re most comfortable as the wallflowers. When we like someone we’ll make an effort to talk to them.

They’ll be direct with you

Once we’ve gotten to know you a bit, an INFJ will tell you directly if they like you or not. We are very direct in our communication style and want you to know that we are still around because we appreciate you.


How do you get an INFJ to fall for you?

The best way to get an INFJ to fall for you is to try to understand them. INFJs spend the majority of our lives feeling misunderstood and alone. Most people just don’t make an effort to understand us. If you’re able to do this and communicate to us that you enjoy doing it, them we’re way more likely to fall for you.


What is it like to be in a relationship with an INFJ?

Want to get to know our partners

INFJs are very intuitive people. We want to get to know our partners on the deepest level possible. We want to understand them as much as we can, from the day they were born right up until this very moment.

Visualize and anticipate what your partner needs

Because we know so much about our partners we can show up for them in the most amazing ways. We’ll know what they want long before they know they want it. We’re tuned into their feelings as well. We know when they’re having a bad day and the best things to do to help them in whatever way they prefer.

Calm and Intense

INFJs can be very intense about the people we love. We want a magical experience of intimacy and we know how to get it. At the same time, we’re calm and quiet. We enjoy our free time and will most likely still spend a lot of time alone. We’re most happy with someone that we can be alone together with, someone who is content to sit in the same room and read or write right along with us.


What are INFJs like in relationships?

INFJs make wonderful life partners. We are thoughtful and kind to our partners, anticipating their needs before they do. Our mission is to please them the best way we know how. We are interested in every detail about our partner and catalog that information for use in our daily routine. You can count on us to remember you birthday, how you order your coffee, that restaurant you said you wanted to try and that brand of cookies you said were to die for.

We are quiet, yet intense at the same time. INFJs don’t take relationships lightly. If we’re in it, it’s because we’re serious about you and want you to show up the same way for us.

INFJs may be hesitant to share our fears, needs and feelings. Our extroverted feeling function makes it natural for us to focus on everyone else’s needs and feelings and really difficult for us to stop and think about ourselves. It’s a process that takes time, so be patient. We’ll get there.


Are INFJs good in bed?

INFJs are amazing in bed. We have a function called extroverted feeling that makes us focus on the needs of others, especially those who are closest to us. We anticipate their needs before they do. We also have very active imaginations that we love to explore things with. When we really love someone we can let our imagination and our need to please run wild.


What is the end of a relationship like for an INFJ?

The end of a relationship is really determined by what caused the end. INFJs are very concerned about other people, due to our extroverted feeling. We try and try and try to make things work. But there is a limit to the tries. Once we have reached that limit, and we feel like there is nothing else we can do, we walk away.

Depending on the person and the level of drama we predict, we may walk away without saying too much or maybe leaving a letter. We’re not ones to make a big scene or a grand exit. We’ll go quietly. We’ll leave your life so completely that you’ll wonder if we even existed at all.


How do INFJs recover from a breakup?

Recovering from a breakup can be really difficult for INFJs. We pour our heart and soul into our relationships. We spend so much time trying to make our partner’s life better and easier. We invest so much of ourselves into communicating with them and understanding them. We suffer very deeply when our heart is broken, even if we saw it coming or knew the relationship wouldn’t last.

It can take a while to work through all of the feelings and to even start to see ourselves without that person in our life. But once we do start to see that, we shut the door for good. No need to go back there and feel all that hurt again.

Learn more about INFJ dating here: 9 Ways to Recover From a Difficult Breakup

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