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How INFJs Fall In Love

Updated: Feb 8, 2022

Do INFJs fall in love easily?

INFJs fall in love easily sometimes and sometimes they don’t. INFJs have high expectations for their romantic partner. We want more than just surface-level attraction. Sure, we want someone who we find attractive, but they have to be compatible with our personality, morals and values in order for us to make time for them in our lives. We want someone we can connect with on a deep and meaningful level. We rely on our intuition to help us know that we’ve found the right person.

But every once in a while we run across someone who is everything and we know all at once. This doesn’t happen often and we don’t tend to jump in right away. We just know right away that they are the one. We’ll still take our sweet time is getting to know them and make sure that they are everything we think, but everything is just easier with them from the start.

There are a few things that make it more difficult for INFJs to fall in love.

Have guard up

INFJs spend our lives being generally misunderstood by nearly everyone we know. We are also a lot more sensitive than we like to admit. Because of this, we’ve been hurt over and over in our lives. When meeting someone new, we put our guard up for protection.

It takes a while to lower our guard. We want to move through the process slowly and surely, to get to know our partner in our own time and way.

Want to be understood

INFJs spend so much of our lives feeling misunderstood. We know that very few people will ever really understand us, but we want a partner who tries to understand us as much as possible. It’s important for our partner to make an effort and appreciate us for our complexity.

It’s all about chemistry… or what we call intuition

INFJs look for a feeling more than anything. Most people call it chemistry, though we call it intuition. We have a very well-honed intuition. We know things before we can explain how we know them. This applies to a lot of things in our lives, but certainly people. When we first meet someone we know a lot about them, including if we like them or not. Most people are just people, but every once in a while we meet someone really special that we just click with. We know that person will be important to us instantly.

Too picky?

INFJs take finding a partner very seriously. We’re very organized and typically have a list of characteristics that we want in our ideal partner. We’re not interested in dating just to date and we won’t settle for someone who is less than what we want just to have a partner. Some people call us “too picky,” however, our choosiness leads us to find partners that are well suited to us. When we find our ideal partner we rarely take them for granted.

Learn more about INFJ dating here: 8 Tips For Dating in Your 30s, From a Relationship Coach Who Knows


What do INFJs find attractive?

INFJs look for several qualities in a romantic partner: understanding, intelligence, passion and compatibility, to name a few. But we also don’t mess around. We want someone who is committed and who’s looking for true love. We’re not interested in dating just to date.


INFJs find anyone who tries to understand them interesting. We like people that we connect with and who make a genuine effort to understand our thought process and point of view. We’re used to people who just don’t bother, so if someone does make an effort, it’s noticed by an INFJ. It’s rare.


INFJs have a high level of intelligence. We like to immerse ourselves in our passions, so we tend to know a lot about a lot of different things. Our favorite pass time is learning new things and we love to share those things with anyone who’s interested. We are attracted to people who have the same thirst for learning and the same passion for exploring the unknown.


INFJs are very passionate about our hobbies and interests. We are attracted to people who are passionate as well. That passion doesn’t have to be about the same thing that we are passionate about, it just has to be as strong as our own. Oftentimes the passion is just as attractive as the activity that is being pursued.

Compatibility and attraction

While surface-level attraction is important to INFJs, it’s not the only thing we consider in a partner. First and foremost we want compatibility. We’re a bit different than most people. We want to discuss the meaning of life and the dark side of the moon, so if you’re content to talk about the Kardashians and The Bachelor, it ain’t gonna work.

Want true love, not just a partner

Most INFJs are really serious about dating. We’re not here just to date. In our minds, dating just to date is a complete waste of time and really kinda like torture. I mean, talking to people, going out to noisy clubs or restaurants, small talk… I can’t think of anything worse! If we’re gonna put forth that much effort and fight through all of those things that make us uncomfortable, you’d better be serious.


Who are INFJs most attracted to?


ENFPs are a great match for INFJs. Their function stack is opposite of ours, but we share some of the same preferences, N F. They will understand our intuition and our tendency to feel things very deeply. Their other preferences for extroversion and spontaneity are a nice contrast to our quiet organization.

ENFPs are bright and bubbly people, but still intuitive enough to know how to connect with INFJs. They’ll break down the warriors we put up and be understanding and sensitive of our quirks.


As an INFJ, I’m very partial to INFPs. They are the exact opposite of our functions. However, we share three preferences, I N F, so we have a lot of common ground to work off of.