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I See You Means Something Different for INFJs

Updated: Feb 1, 2022

One of my favorite TV shows is Homicide Hunter on Investigation Discovery. I was watching season 9 last weekend. In one of the episodes, there was a story about a guy that was remodeling his house in 1985 and found a murder confession written on the back of a piece of trim. 

Even though the confession was dated 1896, they still investigated it. Sargent Kenda was able to track down the daughter of the guy who confessed to murdering someone. He went to interview the lady, who was 89 years old at the time.

What struck me was that this woman was almost 100 years old. She lived through the turn of the century, WWI, WWII, the Great Depression, so many difficult and tragic things. Plus she lived through so many wonderful and amazing things, all of my favorite years: 1920s, 30s, 40s & 50s. Listening to her (actually an actor who was playing her) tell stories about her dad from the late 1800s and early 1900s, I felt like the room was spinning. I saw her whole life, all of the tragedy and all of the excitement, all of the heartbreak and all of the love.

I wanted to sit with her and listen to stories about her life. I had so many questions for her: What has she learned? What would she do differently? Did she unlock all of the “secrets” of life? Was it worth all of the heartbreak?

I see you

Have you ever been driving down the road, maybe sitting at a stoplight, and you look over at someone in another car and wonder what their life is like? Are they happy? They certainly don’t look happy. Is her husband nice to her? Does he like his job? Does she know what her purpose is in life? Are they happy to be alive today?

Sometimes I see people and I feel like I really “see” them. I just know things about them. I can feel what they are going through without even knowing them or being able to name the feeling. I want to walk up to them and say, “I see you. I know it’s tough right now, but everything is going to be ok. You’ve got this. You can do hard things.”

If you know, you know

I don’t talk about this with anyone else because they don’t know. I’ve tried saying little things, but they don’t understand. I know when I meet a true INFJ because they know. I don’t have to explain anything. They just know.

I’m taking this class about self-improvement and one of our homework assignments was to ask three friends what they think we are good at. One of my friends said this: “Gauging awkward or tense moments – most ppl miss subtlety. I don’t feel you do.”

I don’t know if she’s one of us, but she certainly knows.

Be in the moment

The “knowing” is a lot sometimes. It’s overwhelming and exhausting. It feels like a lot of pressure and responsibility. You can feel the stress and desperation from people who are longing for something more. And you just want to help. But what can you really do??

I’m learning all about meditation. It’s a new thing for me, but OMG is it powerful! The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein is a great place to start if you’re new like me. It’s truly amazing to me how 10 minutes of meditation can help me go from discouraged about all of the “knowing” to having a clear picture on how I can help. It’s just a few minutes out of the day to calm your mind, focus on one thing, and set an intention. That’s it. Ten minutes changes everything.

It’s too easy

We have this idea that our life should be hard. Things that are good and meaningful, things that really change your life should be super difficult to accomplish. They should be multiple steps and take weeks or months to feel accomplished. Where did we get this idea?

Most likely from our parents – “If you want something good, you have to work for it.”

Or school – 180 days per school year before you can advance to the next level.

Or college – 16 weeks before you pass this class.

Or work – you have to start at the bottom and work super hard to be noticed and wait to see if they pick you for a promotion.

There are so many examples of this mentality in our lives. We learn that hard work pays off and then we take this concept and apply it to everything. Happiness MUST be hard. Helping must be a struggle. Feeling good must be work.

It’s a difficult concept to learn that this framework isn’t always true. Ten minutes a day can change your life. It really is that easy. There is no catch. All it takes is you showing up and focusing for ten minutes.

I see you means something different

It really does. I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. I know it feels like a lot. I know you’re struggling. I struggle too. It’s a process of finding ways to make it better.

I have hope though that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I want to give you that hope too. I’ve found things that work and this is one of the best things.

I want to challenge you to give it a try this week. Gabby has some free meditations on her website if you’re looking for a place to start, check them out here. Try just 10 minutes and see if you feel any different. I noticed it the first time I did it. It gets more and more powerful the more days that you do it though.

Let me know how it goes in the comments. I can’t wait to hear how it goes! 

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Aug 05, 2022

I understand what it means to “see” people in the non-tangible sense. Sometimes what I see about people is heartbreaking; it makes me want to “not see”. Sometimes it is scary.

I have “seen” the face of sociopathy in someone at work. I like “seeing” kindness and good humor, as with my (ex) mother in law. She was amazing.

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