Last week I went to a concert in Baltimore that I’ve been looking forward to for months. It was the “we’re recovering from a pandemic and it almost feels like a comeback” event that I really, really, really needed.
I met one of my friends there who I have known since 2017… but we’ve only been Instagram friends. We talk almost every single day on Instagram, sending memes, pics, notes and voice messages back and forth. But I didn’t really know her and I wasn’t 100% sure what to expect. I do know that she’s one of the few people that I feel like I can be the real and full version of me around, so I was willing to take a chance.
A couple of weeks before the show she asked me if one of her friends could go with us. She had separate concert tickets, but she needed a place to stay. So awkward. I really, really wanted to say no, but I also wanted to be nice. So I said, “Sure!”
A week before the concert she asked if it was OK that she invited another friend of hers to a dinner that we had planned the day after the concert. This time I was less enthusiastic. “Holy Cow M! How many friends do you have?” She didn’t get my way too subtle message. More awkward.
So we went to Baltimore and had a good time, for the most part. I realized that M has a LOT of friends. She knew half of the people there (probably upwards of 10K)! Every time we turned around she saw someone else that she had to go say hi to.
Then we went to dinner the next night. She did the same there. In the 2 hours that I was there, talking to her other friend, she was probably at our table for about 30 minutes.
Setting aside the obvious statements like, “HOW RUDE” and “WTF,” I started thinking about friends. I’m terrible at making new friends. It’s always been a problem for me. When I do find them, they tend to be like M, an extrovert who adopted me. It’s very rare that I find someone who understands me, pays attention to me and reciprocates the effort that I put in.
I don’t need friends
It’s so easy to just say, I’m good. I don’t need any friends. I have my Instagram friends and my Facebook buddies. We can just text for the rest of our lives. That’s all I need. I’ve been there for so long. But then I complain about staying home all of the time, like for months on end, and I feel like I’m missing out on everything.
Then I get stuck in a situation where it’s literally painful because I don’t have anyone to talk to. There’s not one person that I can pick up the phone and call just to talk. That’s so sad and so not ok. We need people in our lives to connect with, to share our trials and our wins, our oys and our joys.
If you don’t have one, get one
So how do you make friends? This is the icky part. You have to actually go outside! I know, I don’t want to either, but we can do it together. We’ve got this.
You have to go where the people are. That doesn’t necessarily mean a bar or a crowded place. It just means that we have to be willing to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to be uncomfortable. Be messy and imperfect. Say “yes” when you want to say “OMG NO.”
Not everyone you meet will be the best friend you’ve ever had and that’s OK. Some will though. Some will be amazing and wonderful. Some will make you feel seen and heard and understood, but you can’t get to those people if you never leave your comfort zone.
M wasn’t the friend that I thought she would be. But that’s OK. We can still be friends even if she’s the extroverted socialite. I just know that now going in. I won’t commit to going to dinner like that again. I’ll have a backup plan.
Ever since I started INFJ Woman I’ve wanted to create a community of INFJs, a safe place for INFJs to come together and be accepted for who we are and supported in our efforts to improve.
How amazing would it be if you had a group of people to hang out with who were just like you? They felt the same emotions, made decisions the same way, and experienced the same knowing. What would you do if you didn’t have to explain yourself to your friends?
I created the Serenity Collective to do just that – to help you understand yourself better so you can connect with other women who are just like you, INFJ. I want you to feel connected, supported and inspired every single day. This is the key to happiness. We think it’s getting the next thing that we’re dreaming of. It’s not. Happiness actually comes from connecting with other people and helping them.
I know that connection can feel impossible for INFJs. I’ve been there. But I also know that it’s possible. Since I’ve started INFJ Woman, I’ve connected with so many wonderful & amazing INFJs. I want you to have that same experience here! This is a safe place where you can be free to be you, talk about the things that concern you the most and connect with people who get it on the deepest level.
Together we’ll work through brand new workshops every month and connect while learning about ourselves and growing mentally, spiritually and emotionally.