Updated: Jan 27
Let’s be honest, there are a lot of things that INFJs can’t stand. Because we are so aware of our surroundings and constantly analyzing what’s going on, we notice a lot. Nearly everything.
We are also introverts who generally like things quiet. Most of us are highly sensitive too, so things like loud noises, people talking, chewing, that buzzing noise across the room, get on our nerves pretty easily. That’s just a good starting place though.
Let’s take a look at the top ten things that really bother us so much that we really do hate them.
1. Dirty house
Let’s start with something easy. I hate coming home to a dirty house, so much so that I will actually put some effort into keeping it clean. I’m one of those people that will keep things in their place most of the time, or at least clean up a mess when I am finished. I hate things being out of place.
While INFJs aren’t really known for being meticulous about the organization, we do like things in their place. I’ve noticed that is has a big effect on my mood. I tend to be a lot more calm and happy when everything is neat and clean.
As a side note… I hired a cleaning service to do the big stuff. It’s amazing how much it helps!!! It’s so worth the money if you can afford it.
2. Loud and crowded places
I can’t stress to you how much loud noise bothers me, even soft noises get on my nerves. The only thing that makes it worse is being in a place with a lot of people. It’s like all of my senses are overwhelmed and I don’t even know how to process everything. Sometimes it almost feels blurry, like its too much all at once.
INFJs do much better in situations that are calmer and less crowded. That’s where we tend to feel a lot more comfortable.
I like to tell people that I hate people, especially people I don’t know. It’s mostly true. I hate people, but I still long to help them and make them better. Strangers though…. That’s another story.
It’s hard for me to get to know people because I don’t like to carry on conversations. I can, but I find it very tedious and almost painful sometimes. Most people don’t like to talk about deep and meaningful things. They want to talk about shallow and mindless things.
Someone recently asked me if I had ever been to Fenway Park because I live in Boston. I replied very matter of factly, “no, I don’t like baseball.” He gave me this shocked look and stuttered a bit like he had no idea what to say. He had no other conversation topics and I had no reason to carry on talking to him. Now, if he wants to talk about the meaning of life or different personality types, he knows where to find me, though I assume such things never cross his mind.
4. Not being listened to
I’m a woman and I work in a male-dominated office. I feel “not being listened to” in my soul. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “you’re just a girl” or “you’re too emotional.” It’s horrifying to be placated that way.
Another issue that INFJs run into is because we are generally quiet, people tend to ignore us. It may take us standing up and holding our own for people to take notice and actually listen to what we have to say.
5. Being misunderstood
This is something else that we, as INFJs, feel in our soul, being misunderstood. Our minds are very complicated and we aren’t always the best at communicating what’s going on inside of our heads. Even if we could articulate it perfectly, most people would be able to understand.
There are very few people who will actually take the time to even try to understand us. But when we finally find someone that does, it’s like heaven!
6. Self-righteous people
INFJs have a very high moral code. It is something that we take very seriously and abide by very strictly. Some people may even accuse us of being self-righteous, but that isn’t usually the case. We want the best for everyone and are constantly reevaluating rules and guidelines to see how they affect everyone.
When we come across someone who acts like they are morally superior we usually notice right away and put space between us. We cannot deal with condescending people at all.
There’s nothing that I hate more than conflict. I can’t stand people yelling at each other or not getting along for any reason. I usually want to get in the middle and figure out a solution to make it stop.
As INFJs we are usually in the peacemaker role. We don’t like disharmony and want to find the most efficient way to solve the problem for everyone.
8. Emotional manipulation
I bought a car earlier this year. Now, car salesmen are notorious for emotional manipulation. So, I took that out of the process. I tried anyway. The cost of that for me was paying sticker price, but I really don’t care. I showed up at the dealer and said “I want that red car there. Who is going to draw up the paperwork the fastest?” It still took the dude 2 days to get it done.
As INFJs we hate emotional manipulation so much because most of the time we can see it happening. We know what’s going on and feel insulted that people think that they can treat us that way.
It’s even worse when we don’t see it coming. When that happens we are more upset with ourselves for not recognizing it than with the person doing it.
9. Disloyal people
INFJs are very, very loyal. We will go to great lengths for our close friends and family members. It’s truly hard for us to understand when this loyalty is not reciprocated. Those are the people that we will turn our backs on in a heartbeat. If you betray me we are no longer friends. Period.
10. Toxic people
A lot of INFJs attract toxic people like a magnet. We are people pleasers who are good at adapting our personalities to fit different people. We are also natural peacemakers and givers. It’s like the narcissists can see us coming a mile away.
It takes a lot for us to leave toxic people. We try very hard to see the good in people and give them enough chances to try harder or change. But it rarely works. Once we recognize this and have distanced ourselves from them it’s hard not to hate them on some level. We hate them for what they have taken from us, for how much we gave them and for how long we actually stayed.