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Valentine’s for INFJs

This Valentine’s day, give the INFJ in your life something that they really want. While we appreciate the thoughtfulness that goes into flowers and candy, we really appreciate things that don’t cost anything at all much more. Let’s take a look at what INFJs really want for Valentine’s Day.


Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is all about? But how do you show your INFJ that you love them? I’d start with their love language. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman will help you figure out how your INFJ gives love and how they receive love. It might be way different than what you assume. Your INFJ will be touched by the effort you put into giving them what they really want.


Most INFJs don’t think of fun in the same way that other people do. Fun for us is not a night out on the town or a packed party with loud music. We define fun a totally different way. Fun is spending time with one or two people that we really like, having dinner in a quiet place, and watching a documentary while snuggled up on the couch under a pile of blankets. Date night with quiet and snacks is wonderfully fun!

Alone time

Surprisingly enough, your INFJ might be over the moon if you leave them alone on Valentine’s Day. We love our alone time. We need quiet time to rest and recharge our internal batteries so that we can act like normal people once again. When we go without this time, it gets ugly. So any time we get the opportunity for extra alone time makes us feel pretty special.


Loyalty is pretty hard to come by these days, even among friends and loved ones. For us INFJs, that’s really hard to swallow. We are the most loyal people that you’ll ever meet. It’s a constant pain and hurt that people don’t show us the same kind of devotion in return. If you really want to show your INFJ that you love them, stand by them through all the things. Your loyalty will be rewarded.


Quiet time is next to alone time, especially when there’s a lack of it. INFJs are typically highly sensitive, meaning that loud noises and constant chaos will drive us insane. We need quiet time to organize our thoughts and make plans. It helps us think and dream and scheme about what’s next. If your house is constantly loud and noisey, turn the TV off, take the kids out for dinner and give your INFJ some time to themselves to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Crafty & creative

INFJs love to get our hands dirty. We need time to be crafty and creative, whether it’s writing a short story, painting a picture or restoring old furniture. This crafty side helps us connect with our lesser-used functions to get out of our head and get into our senses. If your INFJ is stuck trying to make a big decision or going back and forth about something they want to do, give them something to do with their hands. The distraction will be just the thing they need to figure everything out and get back to being themselves again.


More than anything, INFJs want to be understood. We want to know that our loved one is putting in the effort to at least try to understand how we think and what drives us. Most people don’t make this effort. But INFJs are naturally inclined to understanding, so we spend all of our time trying to understand others. It’s the worst catch 22. We put so much effort into understanding because all we want is to be understood. When you put forth even a little bit of effort, it will go a long way.

INFJs feel loved a lot differently than most people. We don’t really want chocolate and roses for Valentine’s Day. We’d much rather have a deep conversation full of understanding and love.


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Gillian Metcalfe
Gillian Metcalfe

Very nicely defined Sarah. Yes, I can resonate with all that you mention here. I have put Valentine´s day out of my life. My partner treats me like himself, a ISTJ. He cannot see ME. There is no affection on my part anymore, I have become immune to him and he to me. That does not stop me thinking wishfully though!!

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