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Video Calls and Boundaries for INFJs

I’ve started a new corporate job about 3 months ago. In my job as a marketing manager, I have to talk to a lot of people: product managers, development engineers, applications engineers, sales managers, market managers, corporate marketing people… the list goes on and on.

Most days I have 5 to 7 meetings. This company is very integrated into Microsoft, so everything is a video call on Teams (similar to Zoom or Facetime).

If that’s not bad enough, people have the ability to video call me without a scheduled meeting. They don’t text to see if I’m available (Teams has a text messaging feature as well), they don’t email, they don’t schedule a meeting so I know what’s coming. They simply do the unthinkable… they hit the button at the top of the screen to video call me without any warning. AND - here’s the WORST part - the expectation is that if there is nothing on my calendar, I should just answer the phone all willy nilly, like it’s not some exotic animal that sucks my energy and will to live in moments!

For a highly introverted INFJ, like me, it’s exhausting. I look at my calendar every morning and take a deep breath, preparing myself for the peopling to come that day. By the end of the day, I’m worn out to the point that I can barely think about what to have for dinner. I don’t even want to watch something on TV anymore. I simply want to lay in my bed with the lights off and pray for sleep… at 6pm.

If I don’t get this time after work to myself, I turn into an angry person who lashes out at everyone. It’s not pretty.

Here’s what I’ve been doing (or meaning to do) to not turn into an angry person…


I’m diving into meditation a lot more seriously than I used to. I love listening to guided meditations because if I don't if I try to just sit and think about nothing, I'll end up making a to-do list and worrying about all the things I'm not doing. It's not helpful. But if I listen to a 15 - 20 minute guided meditation then it helps a lot.

Saying “No”

I’ve been saying “No” to things I don’t have the capacity to do... like random, no warning video calls. I figure if I doge enough of them people will get the hint that I don't take calls that are not scheduled. Or I'll get fired. Either way, PROBLEM SOLVED!!

Getting more exercise

Ok, this isn't really intentional. My beloved niece got a puppy dog (which I HATE, I know it's weird, who doesn't like puppies? But it's true). I know, I know.... He's SO CUTE!!! But he's a mess. We live on the second floor of an apartment building and he has to go outside every 2 hours. Since I have severe asthma and can't walk up the stairs that means we walk down the stairs and wait for him to do his buisness. Then we walk around the building to the elevator and back through the building to our apartment. It's not terribly far, but just enough to be annoying when you're not used to having someone or something interrupt your life every 2 hours. And of course, my niece can only work from home 2 of the 6 days a week she works, so I'm stuck with Goose 4 days a week.

On the upside, I am getting more exercise. And I guess there is some benefit to that. And to having an excuse to leave my computer for 10 - 15 minutes every 2 hours.

Here’s what I’m actually doing…

  • Laying in my bed from 6pm to midnight dreading the meetings tomorrow

  • Eating ice cream every day because it makes me feel better momentarily

  • Dodging as many phone calls and meetings as I can and calling it boundaries because it really is boundaries

  • Feeling guilty for not being 100% available to everyone all the time

  • Trying to find balance in all of this hot mess

It's a process, just like everything else in life. It's all about what you want to accept.

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