INFJs are born with a deep desire to do something meaningful with their lives. Many of us refer to this as our life's purpose. We want to help people, to be of service and to be valuable in this world. But we struggle to figure out what our purpose is.
I struggled for years to figure it out, but when I finally did, it changed everything. It's like finding true love. People tell you about it and you think maybe they are lying or something because you just can't even imagine feeling that way. That was me for about 32 years of my life. But when I finally found it I knew it was real.
I'm sure you want to know how to go about finding your purpose. Let's get to it!
Let go
The first step is oh so difficult. It's letting go of expectations. These expectations come from so many places. They usually start with our parents. Then other people start to pile on too, grandparents, coaches, teachers, friends. Then you. You have your own list of things you think should be too. You have to let it go.
Let go of:
What you think your life should be
What you think you should do
What everyone else wants you to do
Your life will not be what you think it should be. But that's ok. It can still be something completely wonderful and amazing. You're struggling to find your purpose because you are lost in something you don't want to do or you don't even know where to start. Either way, I'm sure you have a feeling of what you should do, this thing that's reasonable and responsible and makes enough money to pay off your student loans. But do you really want to be an accountant? Is it your dream to be a dental hygenist?
If it is, that's cool! I'm not judging accountants or dental hygienists. But if that's not how you want to spend your life, then why are you in school studying accounting? Why have you spent 10 or 20 years working in a job you hate?
Once you let go of the expectations and the feeling that you have to do what you think is responsible, you'll. be free to explore what you really want to do.
Explore The next thing that I did wrong in my search for purpose was to define it way too narrowly. I thought it was a job that had to be perfect and meet all of my needs for meaning and money. I looked at traditional careers that made sense and were reasonable for a girl in college. The things that mattered to be were status, accomplishment, money, and maintaining my standard of living after school.
If I could go back and do it over again I would do everything differently. I would explore a lot more things. I would spend a lot of time learning about myself and what I want my life to look like outside of work. I would look at what makes me happy and chase that for a while. Then I would explore some things that I didn't think would make me happy just to try them out and see.
Getting to know yourself, what you like, what you want, what you need... this is the most important step to finding your purpose.
Dream This one is amazing for me because I love to dream. I love to think about what could be. I bet you do too. So I want you to stop for a minute and think about what you really want to do. If you could do anything in the world what would it be? Is there something at the back of your mind that you want to do that keeps coming up and you keep shoving it down, telling yourself that you can't do it? Pay attention to that. It's important.
I wanted to be a writer for a long time. I loved to read and I loved that feeling of getting lost in a good book. I wanted to write something amazing that touched people that way. But every time I thought about writing the doubt would creep in.
You're not a writer. You're terrible at spelling and English. People would laugh if you tried to write something. It would be terrible!
I talked myself out of it every time.
It took years for me to realize that I didn't have to be a good writer to write. I could start by being a bad writer. That was ok. As long as I wanted to write and I enjoyed it, I would get better. I finally let go of all of the expectations and need for perfection and just started writing. And, let's be honest, the early stuff is kinda cringeworthy. But it get's better every time I write something. Now I've written a whole book and more than a year's worth of blog posts!
Whatever it is that you want to you, you should do it. There is a way for you to make it a career where you're doing something that you love and making money. It is possible.
My experience I have discovered that the real purpose in my life, the place that I find the most meaning and satisfaction is helping people through my writing. I have created this place where people can learn about themselves and feel accepted for who they are. It's truly an amazing feeling! I want people, especially INFJs, to know that we are not broken, we were made the way we are for a reason. Just because we are different doesn't mean that anything is wrong with us. And that it’s perfectly fine for us to be exactly who we are.
This is my purpose. This is my life's calling. Everything has changed for me since I figured this out. My whole life is different. My attitude about and dedication to my work is different as well. It's no longer something that's draining and worrisome. It's fun and it energizes me. Connecting with other INFJs and helping them go through the same things that I did gives me great joy!
I know that you will find your purpose in life as well. And if you can’t find it right now, I hope that you will keep looking until you do. I promise you it's out there, probably something different than you think. If you need more help with the detailed steps to take to find your purpose in life, check out my 21-Day Purpose Challenge. We'll dive into how to find the thing you're supposed to do that will bring meaning to your life, will help the world and that is something you can actually make a good living doing. Learn more here.
