Updated: Feb 1
INFJs are full of contradictions. It’s a part of our everyday lives that we just accept. Sometimes we don’t really even notice until someone points them out. Let’s take a look at a few of them.
1. Understanding everyone else’s emotions, but not our own
This one is painful. We are constantly the counselors and can size up someone else’s issues very quickly. We are skilled at it because we do it so much, almost without thought. But when it comes to our own emotions, we are lost. It takes days, sometimes weeks of laying in the weeds hoping for a sign to point us in the right direction. It feels like a hopeless and impossible task to figure out how we even feel, let alone do something about it.
The friends that help us sort through this mess are a special blessing from a higher power that we cherish more than they know.
2. Fitting in everywhere, but not being understood
INFJs are social chameleons. We can fit in anywhere we go with any crowd. We don’t always like to, but it is possible if it’s necessary. We have the ability to see people and understand them and their situation. Yet we very, very rarely feel like we fit in and are accepted. We never show people who we really are and are never really understood ourselves.
3. Perceptive, yet gullible
INFJs have an amazingly accurate intuition that is highly perceptive. We know things, things about people and about situations. The thing is, we are also very idealistic and want to believe the best in people. At times we ignore this intuition and are too trusting. We can be easily persuaded to believe something that we know is not true at all, especially when we are young.
4. Smart, yet naive
INFJs are very intelligent. We have a curiosity about us that drives us to ask for the why behind everything. We spend most of our free time with our noses in a book or watching a documentary or listening to an informational podcast. We absorb all kinds of information from lots of different places. But this booksmartness about us doesn’t translate to street smarts. We can be naive about certain social constructs that most people are aware of.
5. Calm on the outside, chaos inside
INFJs have a knack for controlling their outward appearance. We put a great deal of thought into making others comfortable. This is one of the many reasons we don’t share our problems with others frequently. You would never know the chaos going on in our heads based on our outward appearance. It can be a complete meltdown inside our heads, but we are still calm and collected on the outside, completing our everyday tasks.
If we took a break from life every time we had an internal storm we would never get anything done.
6. Lead with feelings, but still logical
INFJs have strong feelings, but we also use the thinking side of our brains as well. We are emotional and logical at the same time. It creates a war between the two sides when we are trying to make big decisions. This can cause us to get stuck in planning mode, going back and forth between following our hopes and dreams or doing something a bit more realistic and safe.
7. Idealistic and realistic at the same time
Always searching for perfection, but realizing that it’s not reasonable. It’s a constant battle. We know that our standards are high, but struggle to find the balance between dreams and reality.
8. Dreamers and doers
We love to dream. Our imagination is our favorite place to be. But we don’t just live in our heads. We are able to take those dreams and put them to work, make them a reality in our lives. We put in the work, make the sacrifices and watch them come true.
9. Striving to make everyone happy, but still rebellious
INFJs have a deep desire to make those they love happy. We want to do the right thing and be there for them when they need us. But we also want to go our own way and follow our own dreams. Sometimes that means rebelling against the status quo.
It’s also hard for us to accept this reasoning: “We do it that way because we have always done it that way.” We are constantly looking for ways to improve things and want to put that natural ability to work. We rebel against any rules or systems that don’t make sense to us.
10. Wanting to help people, yet needing to be alone
This is a constant struggle. We care so much for those around us that we will drop everything to show up for them. But we need alone time. It’s not an option for us, it’s a necessity to recharge.
11. Wanting a deep connection to someone, but not wanting to open up
INFJs crave a deep connection with one or two people in our lives. We need someone to understand and see us for who we really are. We long for this connection at times. But it’s incredibly difficult for us to share our innermost secrets with anyone. We have an extremely hard time opening up to new people, especially if we have experienced a lot of rejection, as most INFJs have.
12. Having incredibly high standards, but making excuses for people we care about
Our standards are incredibly high, about everything. There are very few people that we will make excuses for. But every once in a while someone special shows up and we make all the excuses we possibly can. We want to see the good in them rather than the bad. We are loyal to the core and will do anything for those that we love.
13. Saying too much or nothing at all
We are very good a keeping our cool and not saying too much, most of the time. When we feel comfortable enough to start to open up to someone it can become an avalanche. It’s so rare that we find someone that we can open up to, so when we do we end up saying way too much and regretting it as it is happening.
14. We care about how we look but hate being superficial
For the most part, INFJs don’t put too much thought into how they look and dress. We are aware enough about society to know what is acceptable and have a fear of standing out. We put in an adequate amount of effort into looking our best and call it good.
It’s easy for us to get wrapped up in fitting in with the people that we are around. We don’t want to be superficial, but also don’t want to be obtuse either.
15. Hopeless romantic with a dirty mind
We’ll label this one “things that go on in our heads that we don’t like to talk about.” I grew up as a good girl who just didn’t do certain things. I didn’t even think about thinking about certain things. But the older that I get the less I care about other people’s opinions about me.
INFJs have a very active imagination that wanders into some interesting places at times. The possibilities are endless. Some of these things are fun to explore with the right person too.